Dear diary, please explain me what are bears

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Set objectives first - then execute with precision

I decided today was going to be a bit different than my normal day. I started with a long hot shower and mud exfoliation, whilst my conditioner did its work with my hair. I had a good breakfast at my terrace and went unto my wardrobe to select my “happy-go-lucky –clothes.”

I honestly think people should express more about themselves and how they feel with what they wear… come to think of it; if most people already do they must hate themselves! 

The problem with dressing up is that you need to make a choice. This choice is terribly important. This choice will define the rest of your day and how it will unfold - choice about what to wear and why. One should always pay attention to day’s objectives. When it comes to objective setting I am the master of objective setting. When I set objectives I hardly ever miss them. For example:
 

1.  Blue lightly washed straight cut jeans, white top with short sleeves, white socks, white, blue or red trainers, a black wrist strap and a back-bag equals = 99% probability of getting laid.

2. Black skinny-fit jeans, black Loubutin shoes, black tightly-cut John Galliano vest and a hat pushed on right side and a black Versace leather bag with gold stripes equals = sitting alone in any café reading your sad paper with a 45% probability that someone will come to talk to you – to bum for a cigarette or cash.

Life is hard, it really is.

I have recently tried to cross-dress. And no, I do not mean I would wear a single piece of women’s clothing. This new type of cross-dressing is objective-oriented. Selection of clothes to wear based on objectives. Say, feeling extremely good about yourself and still getting laid in the end or in-between.

This might sometimes mean you need to layer clothes based on your two very conflicting objectives. Wane off hot guys who idealize to have “straight looking boys” and you have narrowed down your interest-based-fuck –agenda for the day.

Now, is there a balance between Abercrombie & Fitch oversized t-shirt and baggy shorts and say,  cat-walk “okayed” -look? Maybe.

I’ve performed few trials to test my theory. The easiest to go wrong is with shoes, bags, belts and other accessories. Patsy, we do love you still :) You could strip off all of it but the sad thing is those are the pimping elements of your outfit - the fun part. The simpler your outfit gets - the more likely it is that you can, when opportunity arises, strip off all of it in a split second with a hot guy – when and where-ever.

Complex buttons and laces are definitely a "no-no" for getting laid on-the-go, but might give you that extra time to think about your strategy if you arrive home with a hottie.

Objective-oriented dressing up has to come with a strict and set agenda. One needs to know exactly what one wants. "Maybe’s" and "If’s" are not allowed. Objectives must be set and then plan put in place and executed with precision.

Sun was shining outside and I felt terribly good. Once I opened the front door my cleaner exited the lift. “Goooood morning!”  We chatted a bit and off I ran. The dust will be gone today – no rock will be left unturned! My cleaner is a miracle worker and does an excellent job at the house. She is worth her weight in gold! (She is, luckily for me, a very skinny girl)

Evidence

My objective of today: Get laid with at least two guys, go to the gym and then dinner afterwards without detour home in-between.

My outfit: Black slim-fit t-shirt, black cap, black skinny-fit jeans, white Converse’s, black Merino-wool cardigan and a waiting in the black rug-sack.

Results: First guy winked his eyes at me on the street – leading to a slow-moving cat-and-mouse -follow to his house, Check! Second guy at the café terrace, started chatting with him leading to amazing oral sex at the back, Check. Ready for gym at 15:30 and ready for dinner at 18:00.

Objective setting matrix:  Objectives met? Check!

Cheerio! :)

Dating in London

Setting up a date and time for a date isn’t as easy as one would imagine. I know it should be a pretty simple task. Set a date. Set a time. And be there. But hey, that’s almost impossible here. And when you land on blind dates - it’s even worse. Why is it so hard to be at a certain place on a certain time per pre-arranged schedule?

I described the Grindr –app I newly discovered few posts back. On that post I referred some men - to the saner ones - that aren’t all but nut cases. The one’s you could actually have a dialogue with including full sentences and at least some content other than the easiest but still quite uncommon greetings “Hi” and “Fuck now?”

I have never claimed to be a sleuth or incredibly good at analyzing online profiles. However, I have always thought to have at least some sense and understanding on the makings of fake profiles. You know, murky pics or none at all, absolutely no content in the profile (read also: lazy as fucks = not worth it) or copy and pasted nonsense about absolute love and happiness – you know, Dalai Lama scripts. If profile holds at least one clear face pic without shades and looks reasonably sane it’s a good start.

So, there I was chatting to a one “saner one”. Half Swiss half Namibian white male living in London aged 29. Now that doesn’t sound bad at the outset. Hey, he even speaks English! It does make it easier to have a conversation don’t you think?

Well I suggested a nice place in the old town part of the area I love in London. We set a date on the restaurant terrace. I have to say I didn’t expect much – after all it was a blind date. I was observing guys passing by. Some of them really handsome and hunky. Damn, I knew I wasn’t expecting any of them! Nah, weren’t my dates, no.

Then I saw him, walking towards my table. I was the only one sitting alone so that wasn’t hard – and yes, my profile pics actually resemble me quite well. And yes, they are less than 2months old. His however was not I quickly figured out. When he opened his mouth I already knew this wasn’t going to take long.  I mean honestly, he could have at least washed his teeth before coming on a date. I am not overly judgmental. At least that’s what I think of myself. My good friends might disagree but that’s their prerogative. I judge only what I can see, hear, taste or sense. And now I used all my senses to find something positive about this guy. His trashy looks wasn’t among the great finds, his accent was directly from East-Enders and he started conversation by mumbling about his day on a fashion shoot. I inquired what was he doing on that fashion shoot. He explained to me they were shooting him – pictures for his new portfolio. As it turned out he had paid 800 pounds for a portfolio of pics to become a model. I didn’t want to chatter his unrealistic dreams but being 175, average looking, not exactly in a great shape and having teeth like briskly dog having no bones to chew in its sad life – and the face, well nothing special about the face, honestly.

He went on and on about his parents in Switzerland, about their beautiful home there and – well, you’ve get the pic – talking big. I found the guy more uninteresting every minute. How the fuck to get out of the situation…

Finally the bottle of wine we ordered run out. Yaiaiaia!

• “Should we ask for the bill?”

• “Yea mate, yea, that’s cool”

I visited the bathroom to wash my hands. I took my bag with me. Didn’t trust this guy a bit. When I came back the bill was waiting on our table.

• “Should we halve it?” I asked

• “Oh you know, I forgot my card home. I don’t think I have much money with me,” the prick started.

• “Sorry, you came on a date in to a restaurant without any money?”

• “Yes, I totally forgot it. But I will invite you to a dinner next I promise”

• “Babes, there won’t be another one”, I snorted. “I will pay mine and you can sort out your bill with the restaurant. I am not going to pay your bill.”

I left 2/3 of the bill amount to the table and walked out. Now, don’t take me wrong, if that guy would have been honest he would have just said sorry and apologized, but he didn’t. Instead, he suggested a second date, which we both knew was never going to take place. These are the types of pricks that make you either laugh or be very sorry for the ill-spent wasted time.

The thing is people like this guy obviously has gotten away with this kind of behavior before. Maybe this teaches him a lesson. The sad thing is I didn’t get laid – whattafuck! J